Pragmatic Love and Playful Love
As we continue on our look at the six types of love we can do another faux divided love, ludus and pragma. As you may already be able to guess by the roots of these words, ludus is playful love and pragma is pragmatic long standing love. We also are going to look at the love of agape, the love of everyone and charity. Agape is a more serious love than ludus and acts differently than pragma, though they all could use some pragma in them. Though these loves might at first appear to be on opposite sides of the spectrum, they are actually very ideal to mix together, if you can find the right mix that is!
Ludus: Playful Love
This is the love of flirtation and dalliances. It can go as far as casual sex, but by no means has to, nor does it often go there. This is the initial chemistry you feel with someone that draws you in, even if you don't find them attractive or they are from a circle you do not normally hang out in. The flirtation is dizzying and delightful. Though the initial definition involves flirtation, this is not necessarily a romantic or sexual love. Ludus is the same energy two children have when they start playing together. If you are fortunate enough to have friends from childhood, look back upon your first meeting. Perhaps you were too young to remember it, but you will likely find that the first meeting was full of ludus. Ludus is the spark that starts the whole relationship off! The question is, what will we nurture our relationships into after ludus fades?
Agape: Love of Everyone
If you know any modern Greek you will recognize this one. Agape mou, I love you, is coming from this same word. But while it is used as the generic love verb in modern times, here it is meant to be love for your common human. This love is giving charity to those in need without asking anything in return. Probably the only time we are really coming in contact with this love in modern times, is at the Holidays or if we volunteer. Why are we discussing charity right now when we are talking about relationships though? Charity is one of these things that perhaps we do not think of right away as bringing happiness to our lives. Perhaps we think of it as a way to get a tax deduction or to get rid of unwanted furniture but if we embrace the spirit of charity in our lives we will see not only a growth of happiness inside ourselves, but also a growth in our ability to love others. Love is one of these things that is like a muscle, it needs to be exercised. If we do not exercise our love it can not grow. Likewise, if we don't cross train our love it will be stunted or overgrown in one aspect while malnourished in another facet. It is like if you went to the gym and all you worked out was your right leg, eventually you aren't going to walk right and end up hurting yourself because of the misalignment in your body. So if you are looking for ways to improve your love for your spouse or friends, consider giving some agape to a stranger.
Pragma: Practical Love
Now this one is a little bit of a trick. The ancient Greeks did not use this term, perhaps at all, but it was popularized in the 1970s by Canadian Sociologist John Allen Lee. The idea behind this term is to find a love that perhaps is not flashy like eros or platonic like phila but in the middle. A love that can compromise, a love that knows marriage isn't just frolicking in fields but a fair share of doing laundry and paying bills. Yet while pragma knows that marriage isn't all moonlight and magnolias, it also knows that love can't survive on pragma alone. Pragma is the art of combining all the loves: eros, agape, philia, philautia and ludus into long standing love for friends and lovers. Pragma is realizing we need a little eros and ludus mixed in from time to time, but when they are running low, it doesn't mean the love is gone. It is realizing we need to give charity and love ourselves in order to love other people properly, it is realizing the importance of chemistry and brotherhood. It is realizing it is unfair to make one human in charge of all your emotional needs and to allow yourself deep and meaningful love with a friend that doesn't end in sex. It is realizing that love doesn't need sex to be a valid and long standing love. It is also realizing that your romantic relationships need sex and passion to keep them going just as much as they need routine and trust.
The conclusion of all of this of course is that we need a balance of all these loves in our lives. Ideally we find most of them in our partner but it isn't necessary. The love between friends, love without romantic attachment is something that we have lost in the modern world and could really benefit from. Regardless of how you achieve these loves, we know now the goal is to have all of them in our lives in healthy doses. Find part one of the series here(link part 1). Reach out to us with your comments and questions at info@bullionite.com. Be sure to visit our blog at https://www.bullionite.com/blog-index for the next part of this series.