Passionate Love and Deep Friendship
With this time of year often being dedicated to romantic love we can sometimes get lost in the shuffle. Maybe we are overwhelmed with trying to show our love to our person that we forget about ourselves or maybe just the opposite, we are waiting for these displays to gauge our relationship, either way we are very preoccupied with romantic love in February. But, as I am sure you know there are many types of love. In ancient Greek, there are six words to describe love, six! And no matter what the season would like you to think, romantic love is not at the top of the list. I have always loved this concept, not just to describe the different ways we love but to show the vastness and complexity of human emotion. So let's take a moment and explore the facets of love as defined by the ancient Greeks.
Now just because there are six types of love does not mean that you need to feel all of them from one person or only get one type of love from an individual. A healthy relationship will have many of these loves within it. Sometimes people like to show these loves as an evolution such as shifting from passion to friendship but I do not think this is accurate for the human condition. The longer someone is in your life, the more of these loves they can encapsulate but nothing in life is a linear movement. Just because passion was lost for a time doesn't mean it is gone forever nor does it have to leave to also have friendship. These six loves are complex so in order to give them the time they deserve we are going to only focus on two of the loves here, eros and philia. These are probably the most well known loves of the ancient Greeks and I think a perfect place to start in our exploration of love.
Eros: Passionate Love
This is the one we all know and are familiar with. This is the butterflies in your stomach and yearning for someone you feel at the beginning of attraction. Some people become addicted to this feeling and the minute eros subsides they also leave the relationship in pursuit of that feeling again. They are in love with being in love rather than the person. Of course we hope one grows out of this but some people will struggle here. We prioritize this love above all else nowadays but in the past this was not ideal. The irrationality and sometimes violence that comes with eros was something to be avoided in ancient times.
You might recognize the word eros from the alternate name of Cupid, and you would be correct. Just as the ancients feared this type of love, the god they had in control of it used a weapon, a bow and arrow, to ensnare mortals in its dangerous love and sent the victim into a frenzy. Amantes, amentes, in love, insane as the old adage goes, eros is reckless, burning passion that while can be fun, often burns bright and fast leaving nothing in its wake. Of course eros can be controlled, but the danger surrounding this love should not go unnoticed.
Philia: Deep Friendship
This is your BFF forever love. Your best friend you grew up with or friend from high school or college that you remain inseparable. In modern days, we do not expect this type of love to last, nor do we give it much attention, but the ancients valued this love above all else. They saw the value in true deep love that does not stem from the need to be fulfilled by the other person. The problem with eros, is often it is a selfish love that wants to take from the other person while philia is often love for the sake of it. I am very fortunate to have not just one, but two friends I have known since childhood that we still speak to each other candidly every day and I can tell you I wouldn't change these relationships for the world. I have not really had the traditional goals in my life of marriage, though I am not opposed to it, and I largely have to thank my strong friendship foundations for that. I don't have a need to be completed by another person I am romantically linked to because I already have this connection. I can not stress enough how valuable this type of love is and how much I wish it could come back in today's world as the most important love.
The Goal: Combining Loves
Now remember what I said earlier about how different types of love do not need to be mutually exclusive. You do not have to only have eros with your partner, really if you do you won't last anyways, you can and should have philia as well. Really, as we read on we should combine all the loves into our relationships whenever possible but today we will look at just philia and eros. So how do we combine both of these loves? Take time to get to know your loved ones, talk to them deeply, not just superficial conversation. These things don't happen overnight so you need to be patient. If you have lost the deep connection of philia, grow it back with small and persistent steps in intimacy with one another.
The same goes with eros. Though an ancient Greek might tell you to avoid invoking this love, you can bring the passion back through unexpected and meaningful gestures. Splurge on a present or favorite activity, bring back something exciting from your past and perhaps you will relive it in a better way! The point is that there is no sure fire way to get love started, love is one of these mysterious forces, it just is. The best way is to be aware and genuine and the rest will find itself out. Reach out to us at info@bullionite.com with your comments and questions. Be sure to visit our blog at https://www.bullionite.com/blog-index for the next part of this series.