The Art of Self Love
The final type of love according to the ancient Greeks is, philautia, the love of oneself. I decided to dedicate a whole article to this one type of love because I feel it is the most confusing and the most underappreciated of the loves. The love oneself is the foundation for all our other loves, if we don't love ourselves, how can we love anyone else? We can only demand the respect we deserve from relationships when we believe that we deserve respect. Any while for some of us it may feel easy to love ourselves, others of us may struggle or may have the wrong type of self love.
What is Self Love?
Where is the line between philautia and narcissism? Narcissism is having something of a moment on the internet as of late. If you or any of your friends have experienced a breakup recently you probably have been given an article about how to deal with a narcissist or something along those lines. Pretty much anyone that ends up hurting you for their own self interest can be given this title. The current obsession is not incorrect. We do live in a time of extreme self promotion. Between social media personas and the 24 hour news cycle we are being constantly tempted to stay in direct contact with everyone we have ever met and their own brand of themselves they are trying to promote. And we all know the story, you can create a life online that is nothing like the one you have in reality. Some people try to fake it, some just avoid posting bad, but we all create an ideal version of ourselves for the world to see. As a result, we are all a little bit narcissistic at the moment. So where is the line between the two?
Self love is the ability to accept yourself and all your imperfections. To want the best for yourself and wanting to be the best version of yourself while still loving the person you currently are. It is realizing your struggles or benefits in life are simply the hand you were dealt and not a place of pride or deprecation. Self love doesn't wallow in pity or bask in glory, it is simply who you are. Self love is largely concerned with yourself and your own happiness yes, but unlike narcissism, it knows that this happiness comes from personal fulfillment not exploiting others.
Where narcissism wants attention and wants to blame everyone for its problems, self love wants to be heard but doesn't need the spotlight all the time and knows that it will make mistakes and have bad times but there is not necessarily a person to blame for this. Narcissism most simply is chasing the immediate gratification of attention be it by exploiting people around you or other nefarious ways while self love is the art of loving yourself in solitude. It is not a public display or requiring the attention from anyone else. And while you can be blamed for being narcissistic if you put yourself first, learn to say no or respect your own boundaries, this is not true narcissism.
This final and most important version of love is the foundation in which we will build our lives. Our relationship with ourselves is our first and most important relationship. If you don't already know how to love yourself, start the journey with writing a love letter to yourself. Write out the promises you mean to keep to yourself and apologize for what you have done wrong in the past. After writing your letter, start making an effort everyday to reaffirm your love for yourself. This can be a daily affirmation in the mirror, dedicating enough time for rest or exercise or allowing yourself grace when you fall short in your own expectations. Make sure you tell yourself you love yourself everyday, it may sound silly, but it will be the start of something beautiful. Reach out to us at info@bullionite.com with your comments and questions. Be sure to visit our blog for more articles or the earlier posts from this series at https://www.bullionite.com/blog-index.