Maintain, or even build on, a healthy relationship during these unprecedented times
Relationships are something that always requires attention and energy no matter what the situation. However, sheltering in place is creating a whole new set of challenges for romantic partners. We are all going to handle the current reality in different ways, some of us will want more attention, some less. Some of us are suddenly unemployed while others are working more than ever before. One thing for certain is that fear and uncertainty are killers for anyone's mood. This can be especially damaging to your ability to relate to your partner. Here are several tips on how to keep your love and hopefully grow it in these worrying times.
1- Take Each Other's Temperatures
The most important thing is to express to one another what you need right now. If this crisis makes you need space or crave more intimacy, your partner needs to know in order to accommodate. It is perfectly ok for you or your partner to be experiencing completely new emotions and reactions to this crisis. Take time to look in yourself and how you are feeling and express it to your partner. Once you realize what one another needs, it will be much easier to live and grow in the coming weeks. Be aware that every day will be different and respect the changes in mood in each other. As the weeks progress it is not unusual to become more tense or to no longer find respite in previous activities that once provided comfort. Keep track of these changes in yourself and your partner and honor the needs as they come up.
2- Create a Schedule
It is important to keep a schedule and to maintain the habits you always had during these times. Create a set of things you would like to do each day and see which ones you can do together and which ones you can do separate. For example, if one of your needs is to write for several hours a day in relative silence, then this is a good time for the other to go for a run or do something with headphones on. Perhaps both of you enjoy exercise, you can possibly start doing it together. Once you have your list of things you need or want to do, see what you will do with your free time together. Of course keep the schedule flexible, some days may require different needs to be met.
3- Value your Free Time Together
Once you have established your two schedules be sure to schedule play time with each other! I recommend this even outside of sheltering in place, but respect and honor the time you spend together. This means no or at least minimal phones and outside interference. Give each other your undivided attention and do something fun together. Though movies and TV can be included, I would recommend finding new activities to do together. Much like our recommendations for family time (See 5 Family Activities during Covid-19), create a fun atmosphere, be it through a theme or certain game. You can also use this time to rekindle affection towards one another. Take a trip down memory lane and reminisce on your favorite times together.
4- Limit the amount of Alcohol, Smoking and Sweets
We are under a unique stress at the moment, which may have us indulging more than usual. While a little extra indulgence is certainly allowed, and even encouraged on special occasions such as date nights, be sure to take care on how much extra you are indulging. Bad habits are just that and will ultimately decrease your mood and your ability to cope. Not to mention that sugar and alcohol dehydrate your body which is always unhealthy. Alcohol is also a depressant and ultimately may not be the energy you need right now. Of course now is not the time to try to quit any bad habits, but do take care not to gain any in this quarantine.
5- Allow for the Element of Surprise
For me, the largest disappointment that comes from sheltering in place is the lack of surprise in the day. There are no sudden interactions to share with your partner later, no impulse purchases to give each other and so on. The lack of surprise really takes the spark out of the world for me. Creativity and creating is so integral to my mood, I find it is a struggle to go about this new daily existence that has these aspects severely limited. I suggest still trying to create surprises for each other. This can be as simple as ordering a favorite treat or meal from a restaurant that is still doing take out, or even more elaborate, dressing up as if you are going out for the evening and having a candlelit dinner. The benefit of the quarantine is even the cheesiest or silly efforts that may have gone unappreciated before, will have new life in them. You may even surprise yourself in your new found creativity. Of course we realize that romantic gestures may be something hard to come up with, so be sure to follow up this article with our suggestions for fun date nights that can be done in the house. From funny to sexy to corny give it a go!
Tips aside, this is truly an unprecedented time and sometimes our mood and coping is going to need something beyond light-hearted suggestions to break the monotony. If you find you or your partner are sloping further into mental unwellness, especially if either of you previously have suffered from this, be sure to reach out to your psychologist or psychiatrist. Many psychologists do offer phone and video sessions and there are also counseling apps available. If there appears to be a need that requires immediate attention don't hesitate to contact emergency services or suicide hotlines for advice. We are in a time we do not have a blueprint for, and it is very hard to predict how all of us will react to social isolation.
Did we miss anything? How are you and your partner coping with sheltering in place? Feel free to reach out to us at info@bullionite.com with your comments or questions.