Dealing with Doubt
In our introduction to mindfulness series we have already covered a lot of resistances towards daily meditation. Fear, emotions, pain both physical and emotional; but today we are going to cover another resistance and that is doubt. A lot of the reasons why we are hesitant to try meditation is not so much because sitting still is hard but because being alone with our thoughts can be hard. We go through our lives so quickly, pushing ourselves through deadlines and milestones with hardly even an acknowledgment that sometimes it can feel weird and foreign to actually sit still and run the chance of reflecting for too long. Doubt comes into play here. Perhaps we are doubtful of our abilities to access our emotions and then release them without negatively affecting our whole day. Or perhaps we are doubtful in our abilities to grow as a person simply from taking time to be in our bodies in the moment. Doubt also comes into play with our abilities too, of course. If accessing emotions is not hard for you perhaps you are doubtful that you can meditate at all. Or even still maybe you have had past failures in other “new age” activities and now doubt the effectiveness of anything you judge as being too mystical or spiritual. No matter where your doubt is steaming from, you likely are experiencing doubt about your practice if not now, then at some point in the beginning of your journey. So, in order to help counteract these doubts we are going to focus on doubt in today's lesson.
Doubt is a powerful enemy. Doubt and insecurity can ruin your day, it can make you perform weakly in all areas of your life, including meditation. The problem with doubt though, is once the seeds are planted, they are a terrible weed to try to kill. Right when you think you have squashed the feelings, they can come peaking out again in unsuspected ways. Doubt can live and evolve with you throughout your life, it is something we must be vigilant against. When left unchecked, doubt and insecurity are the parents of many other equally troubling emotions such as self criticism and self hate. Today though we are going to face our doubts head on and learn how to identify those creeping thoughts and destroy them!
Find a place to be quiet and comfortable and start with your mindful breathing. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Breathe in for 5 counts and let out for 10 counts. After a few breaths, shut your eyes and continue feeling the air coming in and out of your body. Feel your belly and lungs expand as you breath from your diaphragm and lungs equally. Allow your body to fill with life giving air and exhale that which no longer serves you. If distractions start floating up, just let them pass by. Pick each one up and give it a look over before removing it from the stream of your mind. If pain enters the body, bring your thoughts to that place and focus on the pain for a moment before also letting that go. Scan your body from the toes to the head feeling the effects of the oxygen as it courses through your bloodstream. Feel your blood pulsate through your veins carrying in oxygen and out CO2. During this meditation if doubt starts to enter your mind bring your attention there.
Visualize your doubt like little weeds growing in pristine grass. Everytime a feeling of worthlessness, judgment, embarrassment or self criticism enters your mind, picture another weed sprouting up. Your garden could be beautiful but so many weeds are in it now, choking out the sweet grass and using all the nutrition from the soil. There is no nourishment left for the grass with all the weeds stealing energy and the grass starts to wilt. Now picture yourself building a small fire. Crackling and warm, the fire is your personal creative energy. It is here to serve you and destroy feelings that are only here as distraction and annoyance. Enter your garden now with your gloves and bin and get on your knees. Start to pluck the weeds out. As you pull each weed, consider it for a moment. What is this doubt? Where does it stem from? What is it trying to teach you? Maybe this doubt comes from childhood, maybe from a recent mistake. Maybe the roots are much deeper than you first realized and it is growing back from the root structure you left behind. Take your shovel and dig into the ground, loosening everything around the weed until the soil and all the roots associated with it are gone. Do this for each of your doubts, giving each its time in your attention, but not allowing it to live just the same. Each doubt stems from your mind trying to protect you, these doubts are not evil or bad, they just simply are.
After you have removed all your weeds, look over your trash bin and contemplate the interconnectedness of every weed. Are any of these emotions stemming from several places in your past? Are they coming from one experience that really hurt you? Is it new or old pain? Does the doubt and pain have a home in your body? As you look over each weed let each one resonate in your body. Find the physical manifestations of doubt in your body. Is it hot, cold, heavy, light? Learn to identify it and then release it. Try to fully understand their origins and causes before tossing them in the cleansing fire. After you have understood each of the weeds toss them into the fire. Feel the warmth as the fire rises up to claim the plants. Look over your garden, perhaps it is a little bare now. Now it is time to take seeds of hope, patience, love and understanding and start planting them throughout the garden. Water each new seedling and smell the moist sweet earth as you gaze on your new garden. When you are ready to end this meditation, let the garden fade from view. Come back into your body and scan it one more time. Do things feel different? Do you feel lighter, happier? Thank your body and open your eyes. Give yourself several more cleansing breaths and when you are ready, stand up and face the rest of your day. Just this meditation alone will not eradicate all doubt, the weeds will be back. Feel free to use this guided meditation as often as you need.
What doubts have plagued you in your life? How have you conquered them? Let us know if you have any comments or questions at info@bullionite.com